Valentin Lebedev

"Five months of flight," he wrote one day. "We don't feel time anymore. It's getting more difficult now. I begin to count the days. I've never done it before. I think our fatigue grows because our interest in work is fading. I don't even want to look out the porthole anymore."

Gay? Blind? Same Difference, Right?

This is just too fuckin funny. But let's cut her a break, who doesn't confuse major disabilities with being gay? Sometimes I accidentally tell people I'm palsied when I meant to say gay.

Mac vs PC

"You're about as useful as a poopy-flavored lollipop!"

Eine Geschichte der Dinosauriere

Here's a short history lesson for you layman that aren't privileged enough to have a degree in the subject (ooh, snap!). In reaction to the stegosaurus-led Weimar period of early twentieth-century Germany and its relatively laissez-faire social policies, a new brand of German nationalism arose. The Tyrannosaurus Reich adhered to an ideology of ethnic cleansing that would eventually lead to the extinction of all dinosaurs. The fairy tale of an extraterrestrial missile obliterating an entire planet of 'dumb', oversize monsters is utter nonsense. It is simply a pacifying history told by conservative-minded scholars to disregard the holocaust of brontosaurs, velociraptors, and homosexuals who were forced into work camps to make up for their perceived inferior status and abilities. So the next time you here someone denying the holocaust, put them in their place and let them know that there indeed was a such an event, and many innocent dinosaurs lost their lives as a result of it. Or just psych them out by showing them the picture of DC Comic's Tyrannosaurs Reich shown above. Maybe he'll be the villain in the next Batman movie!

Capt. America, while being a complete fuckin tool, has this to say of France

"You think the letter on my head stands for France!" He's got a point, you have to be pretty fuckin stupid to mistake an A for an F.

As bad as haberdashery?

So I've been spending A LOT of fucking time on my own lately. If you take out the three or four hours that I am tolerating French people, I hang out with myself pretty much 24/7. It's not so bad - I mean, my score on Dr Mario has got to be in the top 100 of all time and I'm pretty sure that all the solo-drinking will eventually prove beneficial. Anyways, I've begun to wonder at what point being a hermit will qualify me as clinically bonkers. There has to be some sort of sliding scale, like with chronic masturbation being on the saner side and weaving voodoo dolls of the cast from Grease out of my pubes on the opposite. My question is this: where does watching seasons 1 and 2 of Will and Grace back-to-back land me? I think that's leaning towards pulling out my pubes but just sane enough to not make arts and crafts out of them. So if I'm not clinically bonkers I must at least be certifiably batshit crazy. If nothing else I'm a better gay man for having watched that shit. Although it's probably a double-edged sword because I'm pretty sure that being that gay drops you down another level in Hell. Oh well, idle time is the devil's plaything, even though I always believed Satan would prefer a Fleshlight. You know? It's just so much easier to jack off with a rubber moulded butthole than a flaccid dimension.

I was actually hoping to learn about new Olympic sports, but this is funnier